‘Real Housewives of NJ’ Reunion Recap: Fist And Shout

Bravo

This article can also be found on Fancast.com.

For those souls who watched last night’s ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ reunion show, this is what I must declare: Those polluted woman! This fighting was not therapeutical! I about spit out my imaginary sangwich and shaved my (non-hairy) face from my cheekbones to my neck when I saw those Housewives going at it like chow chows in a ring! It is time for them to re-renovate their anger management skills!

Topics of conversation ranged from: Uncongratulated babies! Defamation of the English language! Gag order on Dina! Fertility ingratitude! Dead-eyed children! Teresa’s financial fiasco! Danielle’s dive into the lady pond! Sex tapes! And charity events with no charity! Oh, what didn’t Hostess with the Mostess Andy Cohen cover in part uno of this unholy reunion?!

While I’m dying to go through every single moment that made Tropical Storm Danielle squint her eyes and suck in her cheeks, I shall only allow my pea-sized heart to palpitate through the main highlights (i.e. outbursts) that mostly likely possessed Caroline to lose 25 lbs. and Mr. Cohen to wear that shiny silk purple tie! Here we go, ladies and germies! Read More »

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Jersey Shore Recap: ‘G.T.F (Gym, Tan, and Find Out Who Wrote the Note)’ (episode 4)

This article can also be found on Fancast.com.

Rats! There are rats up in the ‘Jersey Shore,’ yo! Who wrote the anonymous note to Sammi that reveals Ron makes out with fat chicks in the club? And who has the intellectual skills to include the advanced SAT word ‘wisely’ when warning her? But never mind that. The real question is if the typed-out revelation is enough for Sam to wake-the-freak-up from her emotional disease of loving a five-foot-tall wandering-eyed Koopa Troopa!

Let’s recap the highlights and find out what happens!

Three Chicks, One Grenade
The Situation definitely has a situation when he, Vinny, and Pauly D bring home two “hot” chicks and two others show up knocking at their door—one of which he refers to as a “hippopotamus.” The Three Amigos huddle together to see if they can manage to come up with one intelligent idea of how to deal with four felines in heat, one being from The Discovery Channel, mind you. The result? “I will extract the hot one and leave the grenade to blow up Ronnie’s room by herself,” The Situation whispers as his homeboys high-five him.

In the end, the plan works, and their pipers get paid. Read More »

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‘Real Housewives of DC’ Recap: Project Runaway (episode 4)

Stephen Boitano/Bravo

This article can also be found on Fancast.com.

Having enslaved my weary eyes to last night’s ‘Real Housewives of DC’ eppy, I discovered two important facts: 1) Before the Gate-crashing incident, the Salahis were already making it a habit of sneaking into high-profile events. 2) I want to wake up in colorful adult footsie pajamas and eat Lynda’s maple-flavored sizzling bacon. Aside from that, I must also note an unexpected cutesy factor that warmed my Grinch heart: The Hello Kitty love shared between Ebong and Lynda. It’s so buttery-licious that if I were to see them at it again, I know that my pinky toes would explode.

But I must remain strong! I must carry forth the plan of pooh-poohing this season for you and reporting the Superbug bacterial infection that are the Salahis for your viewing pleasure!

Here are the highlights that’ll make you want to thank your mother for not cursing your existence: Read More »

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‘DC Housewives’ Star Lynda Erkiletian: Don’t Call Me A Cougar

This interview can also be found on Fancast.com.

When you hear the words “energy field” and “centered” within the ‘Real Housewives’ franchise, the ominous presence of Danielle Staub might flash before your petrified eyeballs! But fear not: This time they’re coming from ‘Real Housewives of DC’ Lynda Erkiletian, and her temperament is a lot more synonymous with the enigmatic ‘Love and Light’ we keep hearing about (even if her run-ins with the Salahis don’t show her at her ‘highest self’).

The 52-year-old Housewife and successful entrepreneur took some time out of her busy schedule to chat about her new venture into the vortex of reality TV, why she’s not so fond of the Salahis (but who needs an explanation, right?), how she feels about being called a cougar, and who’s the gayest Housewife. Read More »

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‘Real Housewife’ Caroline: My Attack On Danielle Was ‘Cruel’ But True

Bravo

This article can also be found on Fancast.com.

The tears of a clown? Well, when you’re talking about ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Caroline Manzo and her feelings about her showdown with Danielle Staub, not so much. Maybe a more appropriate term would be “resigned acceptance with a smidgen of regret”?

“I’m not proud of the names I called her; my remarks were cruel and childish,” Caroline confides on her Bravo TV blog. “But, that’s my truth. Makes absolutely no sense but, it is what it is. I said what I said out of frustration and anger. I was speaking to someone who was looking me dead in the eye and lying to me. Not only that, there was absolutely no accountability on her part at all.” Read More »

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‘Bachelor Pad’ Exit Q&As: Who Thinks Elizabeth Is Demonic?

ABC

This interview can also be found on Fancast.com.

Although Gia Allemand and Jonathan “Weatherman” Novack got the hook on Monday night’s ‘Bachelor Pad,’ the two were all jokes and giggles in a joint conference call with reporters the following day. Here’s our back-and-forth with the model and meteorologist-turned-stand-up comic:

Gia, are you still in a relationship? Did the show create any friction for you and your boyfriend?
Gia: I’m not gonna say yet whether or not I’m [still] in a relationship — I’m going to wait til the finale. My boyfriend is a great guy; it was really hard for him and hard for me to put him through that. I feel bad that I got close to another guy on the show, [but] he handled everything with such class. Read More »

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‘Bachelor Pad’ Recap: Kiss and Don’t Tell (episode 3)

ABC

This article can also be found on Fancast.com.

On last night’s ‘Bachelor Pad,’ we experienced face-sucking halitosis proliferation and terrifying love of the half-brained sort align! Since the Outsiders’ original game plan was thwarted—thanks to the emotional roller coasters that are Gia and Nikki—all hell broke loose, and the Coupley Insiders infiltrated the singleton group. Like herpes, they began to spread their seductive coupledom ways to the lonely love-starved wolves, and the latter allowed themselves to get fooled—again!

Here are the highlights that will bring to light their emotionally stunted IQs: Read More »

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‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ Finale Recap: Danielle And Caroline Face Off

This article can also be found on Fancast.com.

For some who watched the ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ finale last night, it may have been The Clash of the Titans. For others, The War of the Matriarchs. But for me? I’d like to call it the case of The Six-foot Embittered Draggie vs. The Stout Pecking Red Rooster! And oh my, did things get fugly quickly!

While there’s much to say about the evening’s events (e.g. Why does Ashley wear eyeshadow down the sides of her nose? and Why were there so many ‘Exorcist’ previews playing during commercial breaks?), we think it is best to chronicle the semi-epic smackdown between C-licious and D-licious. Why? Because that’s all that really matters (and I need to get some rest).

Here are the three phases of the unfortunate event that will forever give me a burning sensation in places that I cannot speak of: Read More »

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Top 5 Ways to Get Rid of ‘Real’ Housewife Danielle Staub

This article can also be found on Fancast.com.

Da-da-da dumb! Are you ready for Monday’s long-awaited ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey‘ gangsta finale?!

In a sneak peek clip, Mama Manzo has awoken from her Staub-ghoulish slumber and is ready to cock-some-doodle doos!

“I’m so tired of watching you guys battle this lunatic,” the red rooster crows to her clan over a beefed up Chef Boyardee-laden spaghetti dinner. “Can we find a solution to make her go away?”

The answer: A Caroline vs. Danielle smackdown!

Before we watch Caroline’s beak go ‘Mean Streets’ on the Narcissistic Troublemaker, here are the top five things we think Mama M could do to convince The Darkness to go away: Read More »

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‘Real Housewives of NJ’ Reunion Show: ‘You Won’t Believe How It Ends’

Bravo

This article can also be found on Fancast.com.

Guess that trip to Italy didn’t help the Danielle Staub Hate Train to chug any slower. If you thought the ‘Real Housewives of NYC’ reunion show was pretty explosive, be prepared to flip over your dining room table at the nightmare that is the ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ reunion!

Although we don’t know if things got physical, you better believe Teresa Giudice wanted her body to do the talking. At one point, Caroline Manzo and Bravo host Andy Cohen had to stand up to block the bankrupt reality star from unleashing her ‘Patterson’ on Danielle, according to People.com.

“They were ready to go and they were ready to put it all out on the table” says one source and adds that the early madness is “tame” compared to what ensues later in the two-part reunion.

So what does Mr. Cohen have to say? “This might be the best reunion we’ve ever done. You won’t believe how it starts and you won’t believe how it ends.”

Part 1 of the reunion show airs on August 30 (10pm ET) followed by Part 2 on September 6 (9pm ET).

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