About a month ago, The Bachelor and Bachelorette fans threw up (or threw down) their Golly Gee Willikers! caps when syrupy sap Jake Pavelka was announced as ABC’s new Bachelor. The 31-year-old Texan pilot packed up his false humility and his rock collection (i.e. his entire upper body) and headed west to the City of Angels where he’d have his second chance at finding “love” (i.e. more air time) amid 25 desperate, nuptial-hungry clawing felines. (Hope there are a couple cougars in the mix–grrrr!)
My reaction? I did–what Oprah calls–”the ugly cry” and in true Bachelor spirit, ran to the nearest balcony in heartbreak. What da hellage happened to my Teddy Ruxpin Bachelor contender Reid?! Once I gathered myself together, it all seemed to make sense: Contrary to the dorky pic I linked to, Reid is too smart, cynical, and wry for the network’s liking. Jake, on the other hand, is cheesy, crazy boring, and believes in romance fairy tales. Perfect for the Disney network.
Here are some of Jake’s latest quotes, a testament and precursor to the vomit-in-the-mouth sentimentality we’ll endure starting January, 4, 2010. There won’t be any “Man Code” machismo in this season, my lovely wittle saplings!
– “I’m ready to be in love again. What a feeling that is!” (Cheese).
– “I fall pretty hard, and I think that when the numbers start to dwindle and there’s only a few girls left, I’m expecting to be a wreck. I don’t like to hurt people.” (Cheese).
– “If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t going to happen. I have to be true to myself. I’m not here to make a TV show. I’m here to fall in love.” (Cheese + Liar).
– “I’m going to look deep into the heart for character. The four most important things to me are similar qualities — someone who is romantic, passionate, compassionate and protective … and will laugh at my jokes!” (Check, please.)
I guess for all of you who enjoyed my Bachelorette TV recaps last season, the question remains: Will I endure scrutinizing the long two-hour show and write a novella for you every week for your entertaining pleasure? Today, I have made a decision: If I must, I must! Buckle up, mamacitas, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!
7 Comments
Funny stuff. And I agree about Reid. He’s just too smart and honest to do this show. He’s been quoted as saying he turned it down as he didn’t want to be that ‘guy’. Wise choice, even though his huge fanbase is heartbroken, we hope he surfaces somewhere on TV again.
Thanks, Patti! You know what’s funny? I heard he did show up somewhere else…on HGTV!
Yeah, HGTV said it will air on Jan. 5th at 8 pm est. I knew about that, just hoping for more!
It’d be pretty hilarious if he suddenly and randomly showed up on Jake’s season finale…and every season finale after that! But I have to say, I think he’s a bit too down-to-earth to have a desire to be on any more reality TV.
Yea!!!!! I am so glad that we will be laughing again with you Eudie, on this “bumpy ride”! You made me laugh so hard during the “Jed” saga. Anyway, I’m truly looking forward to your blog, once I’m finished filling up my barf bag after watching Jake the Fake! Can’t wait Eudie. Your fan, Katy
P.S. Ladies, if you post on ABC Bachelor Message Board, please put up a link to Eudies site. I do not post there, but that’s where I found Eudie’s link. Thanks
You’re awesome, Katy! Thanks soo much! And I might have to use ‘Jake the Fake’ in my recaps–I seem to be hearing that moniker from lots of people!
YES!!! Eudie’s back in action! Yeehaw (that’s ‘Jake-speak”) Cant wait!
M.